****
posted on Friday, September 16, 2005 at 08:36 p.m.
this is the first time
her pace hasn't changed.
that she hasn't rushed
to cover up
whichever image she doesn't want
him to see.

this is the first time
that her day has stayed the same.
the music hasn't changed.
she's ready for him to see the real her.

buried in necklaces.
hands covered in paint.
random papers
and sketches.
the litter on her soul.
the scars
the ugliness
the facts.

this is the first time
she's actually removed the mask



and smashed it on the floor.

****
posted on Friday, September 16, 2005 at 08:34 p.m.
sitting up in her green chair.
the past of it surrounds her.
the spirits pass thru her.

she stares aimlessly at the screen.
stares aimlessly out of her mind.

don't do it again
the words haunt her.
face her.

the truth in her heart there vividly.
drawing blood
across the screen.
forcing her to see it.

please, don't do it again
she seems to be pleading.
to be offering up her soul
once again
hoping.
knowing
that if he just takes it
this one time
it won't hurt.

sitting on the edge of her seat
she falls.

****
posted on Friday, September 16, 2005 at 08:33 p.m.
sitting back.
she's surrounded by red plush.
she falls into the red chair.
"my smoking chair"
she laughs.
she was never one to beat around the bush.
and yet here she is,
deceived.
here she is,
alone
sitting back
staring at the city thru red eyes
and a tired heart.

and at sum time in the night
she wonders
just where she lives.
just where she left it all.

****
posted on Sunday, September 11, 2005 at 05:48 p.m.
i feel nervous
and am trembling
as if a lil gurl
with pink ribbons
was the one to pick
up the knife.

and there's this pit
in my stomach
that's been there
for days.

I appear
anxious and
insecure
inside that mirror
as if i'm
waiting
for your love
to reach out
and smash me-
create me
fragmented
and incomplete
without you-
a sentence
i've never wished
to bear
burned into this flesh-
as if the seal
of shame
and neglect
were my life's prison-

the light is too illuminating
and i never desired
to appear that close and plastic
with his heart in my possession.

****
posted on Saturday, September 10, 2005 at 10:13 a.m.
hiding beneath her hair
she inhabits
the small corner of the coffee shop-
there's no more room
for new air to breathe
and they all have
smelt her sex for days.

She has fallen
frum the asphalt sidewalk
she once ruled-
only to be labelled a jumper
by the grass
busy protesting society's existence.
It's all the same today anyway-

The prize being
so many miles away.

The coffee has run cold
but her soul
wouldn't know the difference-
their gazes burn at her,
only furthering the reminders
of a life lived thru haze
and color.

Falling. Jumping.
in her mind,
there is no distinction-
they'll keep pumping
insecurities
into her bloodstream either way.

They say
she's a threat to the public.

That this is the only way
to cure her-
they're helping her
help herself.
Covering up all the blood
they've spilt,
they help her
bury her own.

Earth's fairies
all alone tonight-
coloring the walls
with blood spatters-
they've stolen the designs
of disease.

And with no hope
for a cure-
you have to give in-
forfeit your city of concrete
to those holding the needles-
telling you
it's alright to give in.
it's alright
to hide beneath your hair
and give up your fight-
you've won again today

and there's no reason
they're not right.

****
posted on Sunday, September 4, 2005 at 05:54 p.m.
the disappointment follows thru
like sum old hag
baring the teeth of her soul-
covered and crooked
with the stench of her last lover.

i've been walking for days-
and never seem to get anywhere.

you always loved that about me-
the aimlessness-
the way you felt you could
save me.
it gave you the illusion of power
and you brought out the candle
at any time
you felt i was growing-

roots suffocate while
painted in wax-
and it keeps the carpets clean.
with those images
who could possibly disapree?
you covering
the lil gurl with the blade-
taking in the soul
so used to the cold
that it thought it was its own
and would never wish
to leave-

Ensnared in the net of fire-
you were surprised
how quickly burns appeared on my arm
in your safe protection-
smoothered by your blanket of love-

you were surprised
that i could keep the linen clean.