****
posted on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 at 09:53 p.m.
this is not to say anything.
but everything.

i write of my poems that way. but this is just me thinking and typing, because it sux too much to keep in.
i don't belong.
and not that silly high skool anguish type of don't belong. but i don't belong with ian.
it feels so strange to write that and see it staring me in the face. *sighs* i went to nigel's tonight. liz was there. ian was there. sum other gurl. everyone was drunk and having fun.
then i showed up.
gawdess, how often have i been that ex? hated the gurlfriend?
too many times.
and being on this side of it? was not fun. was not fun because, tho i know i love ian and i have no question of his love for me.
i mean, look at the silly poet gurl sitting and not drinking and busily editing her already edited poems. disecting them so she could be prepared for how readers would see them. see her.
i tried. i mean, when i showed up i really tried. drank the beer that nigel handed me. was krazy and happy and moving along with the energy.
i'm not that gurl anymore tho. *sighs*
and sitting there tonight.
i don't belong here. she whispers into the night.

****
posted on Saturday, October 15, 2005 at 06:35 p.m.
walk away. close that door, and move towards the wall.
i know wat it's like--to suffocate without a window.
i won't bow to you.
won't reach within this skin and rearrange my soul.
nor will i excuse it.
it's wat made you fall in love.
wat made you fierce and passionate.
it's wat has made so many turn and walk away.
there is no coloring within the lines.

****
posted on Monday, October 10, 2005 at 07:40 p.m.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

**wat i've been up to. . .**
posted on Sunday, October 9, 2005 at 10:36 a.m.

****
posted on Sunday, October 9, 2005 at 10:26 a.m.
my house is clean!
well, sorta. *laughs* i cleaned like a krazy person friday (which was kinda fun--the krazy part that is) and then spent 6 hours on here working on my writing.
i really don't want this weekend to end. now that i've tasted life without work for 3 days in a row i don't want to go back.
but i will 'cause i can't survive without coffee.
anyway, just wanted to say hi to everyone back home. hope y'all have a good thanksgiving. i'll be up next weekend.

****
posted on Sunday, October 2, 2005 at 09:41 p.m.

Just wanted to say hi to bailey. i miss you so much muffin.

Also, thank you Chris fer the msn conversation yesterday. Or at least, i think it was yesterday.
it feels good to know that sumone is interested in the person behind the poetry. you have been such an awesome friend to me. hope you have a good day tomorrow.
Jess- give bailey a big hug fer me! you've gotta update yer site gurl.
Dad- thank you fer instilling in me the love of music. and GOOD music. *laughs* Mandi-hope you have fun being 18!

**been a lil while**
posted on Sunday, October 2, 2005 at 10:48 a.m.
Alright, so i've been lazy and haven't updated nor worked on this page fer ages. i do have an excuse- - -DAIL UP. *sticks up tongue*
but dylan fixed it so now i can no longer hide frum this monitor. *laughs*
so here i am. i have done nothing but fry my brain on here all morning, it's been amazing.
There will be a few new links to look for. i'm working on a couple books and actually gave birth to one yesterday. it's amazing. slimy. and staring at me.
it feels obscure. but i'm going to be working on it and smoothing the edges (yet not all of 'em).
i'm working at reviving one of my old pitas sites (love how easy it is to edit and make 'em my own-yay pitas), so that i can start posting all my poetry there and this one will be saved for random updates like this one. if you want to check out the first one click here but don't expect too much, it'll pro'ly take me a couple days to get things how i want them.
anyways, i just wanna say HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY to my sister Amanda, and 'hi' to travis who is hungover in kamloops sumwhere.
i'll be back.. . . . . . . ..:keep smiling.

**last weekend**
posted on Sunday, October 2, 2005 at 10:36 a.m.