****
posted on Tuesday, December 28, 2004 at 07:24 p.m.
she breathes in. there comes the night again.
and she looks up. darkness.
has it really been day?
she seems not to remember...only hope.
tasks seem meaningless and few.
time is left for her to daydream. for her to gaze.
and imagination is not friendly this time of year.
no, imagination is never friendly when winter closes in on a flower.
you make me smile. make me think. make me pause and think. relish in the breath around me. in the simplicity while i dream of a city i could not even begin to imagine. you call out to me. in thoughts. in passing strangers' faces. in images that a muse has sent. and i have no way to explain it. no way to know if it's happening to you.
but with the way that my mind smiles. that my heart bends. i know it's you.
i hope it's you.

**a quick nothing**
posted on Saturday, December 25, 2004 at 06:48 p.m.
she stands there. in the morning. quiet. unnerved. but falling apart. they're out there- she couldn't care. masters them. defeats stones.

she sits there. in the night. quiet. fragile. falling apart. they're inside here- she can't hear. is defeaned. defeated. the rocks thrown at her shatter her.

look at her. walk towards. you drive by her everyday. glance but see thru her. the choices she's made disappoint you and you don't even know wat she's said. you don't know why she's turned to walk this way. to talk with such bitterness and no hope. but you pass her by without a second thought and as you climb thru the doors of a warm home that you helped create. a family that doesn't even remember your face. but you're here. you made it. you a roof over your head and a fancy car. you are here. and that makes it worth it. makes your memories fade. you are here. this little arrow. this lil soul standing at a front door. in a front lawn that's manicured every week. but tell me when you walk thru that door. up to your room. beside that body that wears the circle proving her love. your love. your life together. tell me---do you sleep? do you care about wat got you here? or do you even remember? remember those haunting nights all alone. where fear and crying were the only things that comforted you? are you still taunted? or have you defeated?
because. because the gurl out there. would like to know wat you do.

****
posted on Friday, December 24, 2004 at 09:57 p.m.
she sits. staring.
the image is there clear. and yet she shakes her head.
needs to forget. needs to leave.
there's nothing more here. there's only blood. only the chance to live again.
and she feels it.
sees it in the mirror in the mornings when she wakes up smiling.
wakes up ready for the day without her coffee.
that's not her.
that's not the gurl she feel in love with. depressed. morbid. wanting more.
this gurl's alive. happy. has a song within her heart.
and so she sits there. staring.
unhappy with the change but unable to make way back to the shadows.
the light is simply too bright.

hey all, just needed to fulfill my addiction of nothingness by posting here! i hope you all are having fun and going to have an awesome christmas tomorrow!
Peter- - -i hope you check this out and aren't too disappointed!! *laughs* have fun in san fransisco. . . .hmmm...is that even how you spell it??? uh well, i'm much to exhausted! lol
night all.

**Merry Christmas**
posted on Thursday, December 23, 2004 at 11:13 a.m.
Hey all- -i'm still alive! *laughs* but just barely!
anyway, i only have time fer a quick update and to let everyone know that i'll be back in the puddle later today until the 29th or 30th
i have no clue wat i'm doing fer new years. But chances are i'll be back in the puddle around the middle of january before i hafta go back to work at the lodge.
hope everyone is having fun and smiling! Have a great Christmas and an even better new years!!!

**"legal"**
posted on Saturday, December 18, 2004 at 02:14 p.m.
yeehaw. so my bday was fun....or well, as fun as getting up at 6 in the morning is!!! *laughs* and you all know how much i love my sleep!
but it was an awesome drive---had the whole suzie quatro and ani thing going on!
and i limited myself to only 2 china white shooters (*pats herself on the back*)...fer the first night anyways!! *laughs*
nah, i've been a good gurl. not getting much sleep and working hard...
and falling in love with the snow. it's incredible up here.
but anyways, that's all i have time for today! hope everyone is doing well...*love*

Mi madre- - -"jaydawg" gave me japense style thingys which are back home in front of my mirror. and an old used poetry book with AMAZING writers. like edmund spenser and such...miss you and can't wait to see you

****
posted on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 at 08:13 p.m.

the day's lights get darker. the scene less satisfying. time to close the door. turn out the the light. lock your heart. tonight is not the night. tonight the city lights will call out. haunt you. invite you to believe in them.
turn on the music. tune out the night. how it dances. how it seems to liven when the sun disappears.
don't look out the window. don't see their hearts. don't dream of the road.
of where it might lead you. of the times you've already had.
don't close your eyes. don't feel like that.
close out. close out the night. and all it's healthy passion.
for it is already within you. already in your blood.
you can feel it. in the day. in the moments when you are away.
away frum the window.
you can still see it. still paint the scene.
it is you.
it is here.
within the beating of your heart.